I woke up so late today, making me feel like a teenager again (tho thats not a good thing).. but then I look at the list of things I need want to do accomplish and I feel my old self again.

Not my picture, but a picture of an idea that I want to replicate some day in the future.. although i don't think my fabrics are that long nor light.. Still need a black backdrop as well and I think ill be investing in paper backdrops (vs fabric) in the future. I don't like the folds and creases in pictures.

Knee-jerk reactions are horrible things; always try to avoid them as best you can.
You'll only regret them later.

You know you're offended by something when you have a knee-jerk reaction when you go from here *chest-level* to here *above your head*

Im quite proud of, but also pretty touchy about my photography.
I love to see people comment and 'like' my photos when I post them to facebook...
Am always disappointed when i see even one nude photo on deviant art by a different photographer that has more views than my whole site combined..
I get extremely passionate and attracted to people who talk to me about photography..
I get highly motivated when people pay specific compliments on my photos..
I like to share my art with my coworkers so they have a little something on their desk..
I put my my own photos everywhere to remind me that i'm not just a gamer, but have other talents that define me; this also reminds me to keep taking photos

I don't like it when people think photography is easy and that anyone can do it..
I don't like it when i'm rushed to provide photos because of that fact..
I get frustrated when I can't figure out how to get a certain shot..
I wish people understood that not every photo/shot comes out and its not worth posting..

I took some photos for the parish website this week when they had their youth camp and a helper told me something that was very touching. She said how i'm very different than my younger siblings in that i'm always smiling whereas they're most gruff or reserved.

Another person told me that they liked how it was so easy to confide in and liked my intelligence.

And lastly, another commented how I went out of my way to grab some tables so that the new-comers had a seat, instead of letting them find their own; how not many people would do that for strangers.

Its important to know the good in you and what makes you special and unique.

Always remember there is office politics and people wear many masks.
Not to be pessimistic, but be wary what you disclose to people.

Its hard to tell if people are just using you and whether you're just a stand-in friend until something better comes along.
You know the type of people: the ones which you're best friends with and then they meet someone else and they forget about you.

I wonder if people talk about me at work behind my back and what they say about me..
My coworkers was asking my friend G, who his best friend at work was. Maybe fully knowing who he'd say, and thus setting him up.
He replied "it was A, but not anymore after she met her new bf in jamaica."
Everyone ooo-ed, awww-ed but generally laughed, b/c everyone knew. Not to hurt him, but more as a jab to A who it seems like is a bit of a pariah for her personality at work.
"Now G, I want you to say that on monday when she's in; I want to see what she says." And everyone agreed b/c everyone now saw more clearly what kind of person she was.
A single mother in her early 30s, she was pretty desperate to meet her next husband (not bf, but husband). Many joked the way she acted and interacted with the guys that she needed to get laid.

I feel badly for G; it sucks to have a 'user-friend' that dumps you as soon as someone else comes around.
I wonder what type of person he is though; the type to not care and be friends still, put more effort to get her attention or fully give up and 'erase her' from his mind.

What would you do?
I tend to erase the person from my mind. Or atleast try my best to; I tend to over-think, over-analyze and its hard to just stop thinking about that person. The betrayal.

I see that clearly now and steer myself clear of A, but I think I always consciously knew that and interacted with people I cared about and who returned that affection (friendship-wise). While a new relationship is always extremely exciting and puts you on top of the world, that just means you have very powerful relationship-blinders on. Loyalty only goes so far, and eventually the closest friend will get upset if you ignore them for someone else. And although you may be interacting with your partner most of your life outside work, you need to have a semi-good relationship with the people you work with. Your life is even more enriched if your coworkers are more than just that.

One part of you, especially outward appearances is NOT an important part of you. What matters is in your heart. You are not defined by that one flaw.

All you can do in life is your best. You can't ask for any more than that. If that is not enough, then be happy.

Although they may be related to you, your siblings are not you and are not supposed to be similar.

Don't complain as much. Be thankful.

If you are unhappy with your situation, change it. If you do nothing to change it, then you only have yourself to blame. 

Take small steps. Make those actions into habits. Those habits into success.

Intelligence is beautiful & attractive. Confidence is a magnetic force.

We always want what we cannot have.

It is difficult to erase one from one's mind and better to be true to oneself.

What was that quote I heard... I think it was from a show.. but also a book I read..

"Words cut the deepest.. but also heal the most"

What fuels your motivation in life?

While frustration leads some to give up, it only fuels my rage and that rage gives me the extra energy and motivation to accomplish anything.

The only problem is (besides that not being healthy) is trying to keep up that rage to accomplish the goal.

Before my annual vacation trip to the cottage, I purchased The Philosophy Book and I like one of the philosophies in particular: Happy is He who has overcome his Ego ~Siddhartha Gautama
Apparently a eastern philosophy tradition, and Buddhist approach.. I agree with the following:

1. Suffering is an inherent part of existence from birth, through sickness and old age, to death --> The truth of suffering

2. The cause of suffering is desire: craving for sensual pleasures and attachment to worldly possessions and power --> the truth of the origin of suffering

3. Suffering can be ended by detaching oneself from craving and attachment --> The truth of the ending of suffering

4. The Eightfold Path is the means to eliminate desire and overcome the ego --> The truth of the path to the ending of suffering

So we all (obviously) desire pleasure over pain. We also may focus much of our attention to the pain that we suffer, creating more pain and suffering.

If we only look at #3, then we might only take from it that if we stop craving and seeking attachment, we will avoid suffering. Thats basically saying to shut it out of your mind. A spiritual friend of mine said that it isn't healthy to do that, but better to just accept your cravings and be yourself. I understand that; the more you fight against it, the more inner turmoil you create. The more turmoil, the more suffering. While I understand it, i'm on the fence; if you're able to erase a craving from your mind, maybe it doesn't create as much turmoil. A person that is constantly thinking, constantly worrying though, this cannot be done.

When you take into account #4 though, its saying that if you follow that kind of lifestyle you will naturally become detached from craving and attachment.
For ease of reading, here is the translated english 8-fold path:

1. Right View - having a flexible, open mind, without clinging to a view that ignorant or dogmatic
2. Right Intention - to constantly aspire to rid themselves of whatever qualities they know to be wrong & immoral
3. Right Speech - abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter
4. Right Action - conduct that is morally upright and not corrupt or that brings harm to oneself or others
5. Right Livelihood - having an occupation that is honest and ethical (vs unethical like prostitution/weapon smuggling) and acting ethical in business dealings
6. Right Effort - making a constant effort to avoid harmful thoughts, words and deeds
7. Right Mindfulness - paying attention to what you say and do, being aware of the situation 
8. Right Concentration - basically to spend time practicing meditation

Can you see yourself following some of these paths? Do you see that you're actively off this path?

For me:
1. Right View - think i have a curious and open mind and try not to be set in my ways in thinking
2. Right Intention - I tend to know what i'm doing is right and wrong and try to have upright dealings
3. Right Speech - i've fallen off this path as, i'm more than ever, filtering my speech to get more information out of people; playing 'the game' as I see it. Saying one thing, but thinking something else. Plotting something else.
4. Right Action - no comment
5. Right Livelihood - Ive always wondered whether if providing financing is ethical.. I guess it isn't horrible and is helpful in some situations; the business doesn't approve those with poor credit.. but we create a world in which people get services when maybe they shouldn't because they can't afford it.
6. Right Effort - i think too much and the darkest part of me is in my mind and thoughts
7. Right Mindfulness - per #3, while I pay attention to what I say, its normally for my benefit and not out of the goodness of my heart
8. Right Concentration - while I don't actively meditate, I do tend to go to the chapel where I do my best thinking/meditation. So many worldly problems are solved there.

Congrats! You made it to the end.. or you just quickly skimmed it

My next candidate for a canvas print

I'm kinda glad that i'm going back to work as eventually I do run out of things to do and you can only be relaxed for so long before being challenged. But maybe 5 minutes into work ill be reminded why I was better off on vacation. Hopefully that will give me the drive to do job searching. I'm hoping for two new tasks at work: reporting and the Call Quality Reviewer.

One of my greatest strengths is writing; I can write anything I want without preparation or planning. Thanks to the many years of blogging and technical writing (from work), I'm hoping what I wrote for the Call Quality Reviewer task application, convinced my managers to select me. What I wrote was that, without arrogance, I would be the best person suited for the job and would perform unique twists to the job that no other worker would think of or do. It'll show whether management picks who they think is best suited for the job, or whether they pick favorites.

Vacation time is running out.... noooooo

One of my favorite photos..