Just some randoms.. mostly related to the recent passing of my grandfather:

- no matter how much time I spent preparing myself emotionally and mentally for it, it didn't stop me from weeping for the loss of my grandfather when I saw him in his coffin at the wake, or lowering him into the plot of land

- I spent alot of time coping via talking about it with coworkers these days and before that, playing far more video games than I normally do

- there were 49 flower/bouquet sets at the wake room; crazy amount of flowers; basically took up the whole room

- my parents told many friends that it was a private function, but the wake was still packed, standing room only 

- it was only from 6-8 but people were talking and reminiscing alot and we stayed til 9:30 instead

- i cheated on my diet a bit at the wake by eating a 2bite browney and a mini cinnabun; it did make me feel better

- i've never seen my grandmother cry; and the whole time (wake and funeral) i've never seen her stop

- my younger cousin said something that resonated with me: "this will be the last time I ever see my grandfather after this"

- my aunt told me the story of how she was at the hospital with him and helping him get from the washroom and back into the bed, and because he was too weak, she sat at the edge and told him to fall back onto her so they can get onto the bed. As they fell back, he noticed how he dropped his head, eyes closed. She looked to the nurse and asked whether he passed and they wouldn't say, b/c he did. I sometimes don't know how I feel about that: b/c while it is horrible to have someone die in your arms, it is also the greatest honor that they felt comfortable enough to do that

I really like this photographer's photos; it seems like he specializes in headshots.

Although I both admire and envy the way they look (perfect skin), at the same time I don't like it b/c it seems too fake. I don't think many people think about that when they see a photo like this; their first and only reaction to a shot like this will be "wow, that is amazing, she looks wonderful." And it stops right there. Does anyone have such perfect skin? I don't think so. He's obviously entitled to touch up his photos just like how I do mine, and his obviously looks fantastic. I actually prefer a bit of imperfections in my shots.. "reality" is not the word i'm going for.. but it describes it. One day, i'll spend the time to figure out how to get dolled up faces like that via photoshop, but I still like my grittier style.

Note: I tend to be pretty touchy when it comes to my own photos and when people misinterpret me and tend to flare in anger. But time heals all most wounds.

Lets get some randoms done since I haven't written anything in a while.

• I thought I respected nursing before, but after waking up at 5am and going across the city to Toronto East General Hospital to watch over my grandfather, I respect what they do even more; they must have the patience of a saint and must not get attached to some people lest they pass away.
• most (9 in 10)of the people that take the subway at 5 in the morning are male
• after watching Sherlock, I try to deduct the type of person people are by observing what they wear; like the gruff men who are in jeans and carry huge dirty lunch containers.. construction worker possibly?
• I never want to be in a hospital again; its so depressing. People sick, moaning in pain... while waiting in the ultrasound room, I saw many women checking the status of their baby/fetus/whatever. One woman was telling another how the father of her child doesn't know about her pregnancy and she doesn't know how to tell him b/c she saw him with another woman yesterday. Then I saw an interracial young couple and the woman kept tearing up for some reason.. I couldn't tell if she was scared at not being ready for a child, or if it wasn't a planned pregnancy, or maybe even that she lost her baby? (i imagine alot more crying though)
• changing your diet is quite a big thing; I was grocery shopping with my gf the other day and I was craving all sorts of food (normal and junk food) and realized how with my current diet, I couldn't eat literally ANYTHING I saw.. except for the plain almonds..
• our medicare system needs more money.. or Toronto East General Hospital.. needs renovations.. everything from the room to the equipment and food just seems so basic. It took literally 2 hours to get an ultrasound today; there were 7 rooms, and only 4 people ahead of us, but it took forever to get served (?). After seeing what I saw today, I wish I brought my camera so I could take pictures of examples of what needs improvement which maybe could help with donations

I had something really fun and interesting to write about .. but I lost it when I went to church. Which is weird.. b/c normally church gives me something good to write about. Maybe b/c its so late, I can't remember anymore.

It was something about.. the engagement party I attended yesterday.

I noticed how the groom was a totally different person that day; normally he's shy, reserved and tight-lipped. Instead he was talkative and outgoing; full of energy. And his close group of friends were not what I expected either... well atleast one of them was; he was very polite and quiet. Laughing at the jokes, but not contributing very much to the conversation. The rest were pretty loud and telling really amazing stories; guys in their mid twenties who seem to have exciting lives: travelling to Las Vegas and staying at classy hotels, going on cruises and making women fall in love with them (via karaoke).

It made me think about my life, what I do and who I associate with.
I look and I know I have great friends but they didn't seem to interact the same way like these guys. These guys seemed really tight; they seemed to interact as if they hang out alot. An example of this was how at the engagement party @ an ayce sushi place and the 'leader' ordered food for all of them without having to consult. The leader knew one of the guys loved salmon belly and the groom added diet coke for one of the other guys. Thats pretty special I think. They talked about their sporting event that they all take part of every week.. it made me envious. All of it.

Once again, my friends are great (sorry it doesn't look like this is a very coherent entry; kinda distracted).
They are.. interesting people.. with a wide variety of interests. I use the word interesting b/c it doesn't fit a normal pattern that i've seen in other people.
They like to drink, gamble and smoke.. play games (boardgames, card games, video games).. and prefer to chillax.. but sometimes have that urge to go out and party it up. I'd call it: eclectic. Maybe Laissez-faire?
Do we have wild and crazy stories? I think we probably do.. although I can't really think of any right now. Friendships aren't only about that tho.. its about people that love you and care for you and are there for you. People you trust and have you back when you need it, and you have theirs. Its something special when you enjoy just spending time with them; like the relationship with a partner that you don't have to say anything as there aren't any awkward pauses.

What i'm trying to get across is that I do wish we were a bit different... 
I would like for my friends to be more physically active.. whether that be we all joined a competitive sport together or had a weekly/frequent activity we could all do. Thats one thing about us (the core group).. we're not very physically active.. we go to the gym and workout.. but individually and not as a group. If we were at the cottage, they would prefer to drink and smoke at the fire pit instead of kayaking or swimming. I don't have too many friends that are active; my friend S.. he's picked up kayaking.. but has gone super hardcore with it and its a cumbersome sport, having to transport the kayak places. I can only think of my friend K, who does softball and a variety of other sports (i think); she is also a foodie, a shopper, gamer and all-round adventurous person. My introvert self (ill write about that later) causes me not to enjoy competitive sports.. but I do enjoy exploring which is why macro photography is a good match for me. I went to one of the larger parks in my area (20 min drive west) and walked the trail. I had a few objectives in mind: 1) to scout areas for a future fall photoshoot, 2) take some macro photography shots, 3) just explore and get my bearing more. What I had though would only be 45-60min tops, I spent a good 2 hours easily if not 3. I don't know many people that would want to do something like that.. I want to find someone that would. I'm naturally very independent, but I could have used a friend today to join me.

I would like it if we ate out more as a group. There is just something about it, being in extremely close proximity to others while eating that is comforting. The sharing of food. These weeks our group doesn't really make a good enough effort to spend time together. I don't know whether we are as strong .. nah. We are strong. So strong that we don't need to see each other every week to have a healthy relationship. Its funny; there are days that I really would prefer to hermit in my room and just play video games, read or relax instead of having a game night with my friends. But when it is absent, you crave it.

I just realized, I didnt talk too much to my girlfriend when we were doing the engagement party stuff yesterday. She sat right next to me, but I spend my whole time listening to the guys' interesting stories.. or talking to one of the girl's friends when we weren't sitting next to each other. What is good about that is that we knew where we both were and we didn't need to be linked at the hip to enjoy ourselves. I think that is a good relationship. 

If you actually got this far.. thanks for getting here.. sorry it wasn't the most structured of entries..ill stop here.

Dreams causes thoughts.. 

Days like today make me feel like I made a very big mistake.

I want to have something interesting to write about.. but kinda mentally fatigued from working Canadian Thanksgiving..
Sucks that I always forget about the Canadian holidays.. so I always have to work them when the rest of the country is asleep or resting.
Ooooh time and a half.. big whoop.

If my coworker remembers tomorrow, i'll be doing my first paid assignment for photography. It'll be product photography; ill be taking pictures of my coworker's African jewelry which he'll use to upgrade the current pictures he has on his website.
Take a look: http://www.theatiyore.com/
I hope to take some really great photos and get some inspiration for future product photography... photos(?)

Fall is here.. and I'm itching to take some landscape photos.. so tired after work to scout.. maybe.... Wednesday/Thursday ill check the Credit River Park area..
I'm lucky to have a very willing male model.. but i'd really like to have a female one instead..
While I can appreciate the male form.. I REALLY appreciate the female form more

I am not impressed with some people these days.. management... coworkers.. and what I thought was friends.
Its like I can't be myself without someone thinking i'm hitting on them.
Wait.. did I write about this already? Probably did. I guess it just bothers me.

Last one that i'll post here. The rest will be on my Deviant Art site.

You know your model is comfortable with himself or having a good time when a train full of people pass by, all gawking at a guy with angel wings and only in a white towel and it totally doesn't faze him.

Happy Tuesday!

For more daily photos, check my site.

Good photos makes a hard and busy day.. better

Hehehe... I see you lady.. checking out my model

Had a photoshoot yesterday at a local park in Toronto. Will be posting photos soon