September 13, 2012

  • Fortitude

    Its interesting that our minds are fixed so that if someone tells you not to think of something, you actually will.
    Like: "Don't think about apples!"

    See you already did it, and its hard not to now.

    "Don't let yourself get into a rut, J"

    DAMMMIT!
    B/c obviously now I feel like i'm in a rut; sleeping in so late.. in part from very sore muscles from working out too hard yesterday.

    But maybe I am literally in a rut and its not in my head.
    My company is downsizing and letting go of all of our temps; so starting october, many of us senior reps will be doing inbound again (something many of us don't do normally). I detest inbound, my brain is being wasted in this state; sure its easy and I do a great job, but that isn't rewarding. I was so close; I could have been the Technical Writer.. I could have been the Call Quality Reviewer.. part of the VOE team.. and even almost got Reporting. Then that bombshell news. Now Reporting has been pushed to November at the earliest. Another carrot for the donkey.

    My dad suggests I invest in a rental property, but how can I move out and live my life if I invest such a huge chunk of my money on that? Because I have a 'safety net'? While there are worse environments to live in, I don't want to live at home anymore. I want my tiny little space that is truly my own, where I don't have to explain myself ever. Peace and quiet. Privacy instead of a curtain that can't even block light much less noise. Not having to share internet connections with people that suck it up all hours of the day. A b!tch of a sister & a poster boy of how-to-screw-up-your-life brother.

    I don't know what to do with my photography. I think like everything, you need to take that leap. Or maybe you don't have to. I don't like the huge monetary investment; I was looking at specialty backdrops yesterday and they were a minimum 95$ on one site, 175$ on another. For the cheapest, smallest one. Then you need filters, pieces of glass to put infront your lens to give it a certain effect; pieces of glass the size of coasters, that cost over 100$. Then you look at lenses; needing to upgrade my wide angle and telephoto (not even thinking about macro).. which together can cost anywhere between 800$ to 1700$ easily.

    All which are disappointing and (lets not kid ourself) stress inducing.
    Cue the breakouts.

    But J is never without a plan. Obstacle?
    Lets figure out a solution. A game plan.

    Its all about small steps. Small steps are easier to accomplish than big ones. Build that confidence. Create momentum. Then don't let anything stop you.