Let me write it out to figure why I feel like this.. other than the fact that I hate working during the Christmas holidays when most people are off.. that i've probably reached the final straw at work; I know i've said it countless times before, but I think i'm finally there. I think I finally have the energy to get a new job.

Pictures like this

And stories of guys doing crazy things like a rose-petal trail.. candles.. etc etc.. just makes me sick.

First off.. it makes women expect things like this from their boyfriends/husbands. It is an absolute sham. I hate those romantic comedy shows b/c the guy is always doing some fantastic, mind-blowing gesture that makes the girl fall in love with him. Women who see this think that is normal and expect the same from their partner. Heres the thing tho, this is the single biggest thing they'll ever do for you again; they will never do something like this for you in the future. Name a couple where the guy is constantly doing really romantic things like this; you know where you see it? In new couples. I've never heard or seen this in an older couple . Prepare to be disappointed. I don't know of one couple (and there are many at my work) where the guy has done something romantic in the past year or so. It (marriage) becomes this long 'blaaaaaaaah.' Sex? No, babies. Babies? No time or anything else. Blaaaaaahhhhh.

Alot of people after reading this will probably have one of 2 responses:
1. You don't deserve a gf/wife if you think like this
- to which I say, Fuck you. No really, fuck you. But I laugh at the same time b/c you're one of those blind stupid people where this will happen to you. So... let me rephrase that: i'm sorry for you.
- I wish you a long, uneventful blah relationship where you feel the pressure of having to make huge gestures to match that, have a partner that doesn't reciprocate and eventually you just wait for sweet death

2. You an always do small little gestures more frequently
- while it may be appreciated, your partner will always have at the back of their mind that someone else did that huge production and diminishes your effort

So whether you agree with this, or think i'm full of shit, we'll really only know the truth in 10, 15, 20 plus years. 

What matters is not a big show/production, but the sincerity of your beliefs, feelings and convictions. So while I may not do the above when I propose, it won't diminish the importance of it.

Yes, there can actually be a thing called 'too much stimulation.'

I should really blog more so that my fans who stalk my site every day and reads my Restless entry over and over, has something else to entertain themselves with.

There is a problem with being an introvert and that is the feeling of needing to be obligated to go to events that you don't want to go to. Just like tonight when I went to my best friend's place for a guys night; people who are technically my close 'old' friends but who have totally different lifestyles and opposite interests. I enjoy spending time with my 'friends' but with those people, we only do one/two things: drink/smoke. For me, I have better, more enjoyable things I can do. When I was walking from the parking lot, through the park, I could hear a very loud party that must have had their windows open. Nope, it was apparently all my 'friends' who were drunk out of their minds, having been drinking for 3 hours straight earlier. So not only are these guys all incoherent, flatulent (sh!t, I hope girls don't pass this much gas)and more obnoxious than normal, they are constantly shouting at the top of their lungs.

While the dice (drinking) game we played was moderately fun, we then started to watch a tv show, called The League which is about the lives of guys in their mid 30s who participate in a fantasy football league (which they're all interested in b/c they're all in one themselves). The whole time, they were yelling at each other, complaining about their players that were doing crap, or opponents who's players were doing much better, making fun of overweight people (in which I noticed only me and my best friend were in the 'healthy' zone, while 5+ people were dangerously overweight). And these are people who want me to come to New Years with? I really regret not having spent some time organizing and making plans; I really enjoyed last year, curled up on the sofa with my gf, sharing a Drumstick each while watching some tv show. Granted we didn't have ball-slapping sex (there we go; that should get tons of views), but it was still a great time. It kinda makes me feel bad I haven't proposed yet.. but thats another story for another time.

I don't understand really hate how drinking is so important to these people to have a great time. I can't imagine how much booze one of my friend's drank before I came over, but he finished off a whole bottle of Bacardi (STRAIGHT) by HIMSELF, in one sitting. How do people not have liver problems drinking this much? How does drinking equal having a fun time? It seems to allow them to blow off steam from their personal lives and be more 'free' and do stuff they normally have to keep in. That must be it; their lives are frustrating and not that great, that drinking and acting like animals, makes them feel better.

What I do understand is why guys need to go to strip clubs; b/c they aren't getting it frequently enought. Thats why married guys may not want to go to a strip club; because they're getting good loving at home. I can imagine, while having sex with a stranger can be wild, sex with someone that knows your body like the back of your hand, can probably be much more satisfying. If a guy is married but wants to go a strip club for dances and such, its b/c he's not getting it at home and probably isn't that attracted to his partner anymore (so watch out ladies; its of course vice versa as well). So even though my 'friends' (yeah, I keep putting quotation marks there) were heavily intoxicated to the point that either the bouncer is not going to allow them in, or they'll be sleeping while in perverts row (thats the front row by the way). My coworker S was telling me how he sometimes envies "people like me" (in a relationship) b/c although friends with benefits are great, it can lead to attachment and crazy psycho stalkers that apparently can cause alot of trouble for you.

On a different (?) note, it IS interesting what these guys think are attractive. They kept hollering at the girl Jenny from the League, thinking she's so hot and how in one of the episodes you see her making out with Shiva from True Blood. Now Shiva, she's hot.. but Jenny? Maybe her tomboyish, competitive nature is what is attractive to them, but looks-wise? Meh. Not my cup o tea. And its funny, b/c although they think her character may be hot, they would never end up with one... I really dont' know what kind of girl would ever settle for these guys. What would that kind of girl, see in these oaf-ish kind of guys. These guys wouldn't tell them what they're thinking, they'd be slobs, go out to strip clubs frequently, they wouldn't take care of their kids or anything. Love does some fcuked up sh!t, i'll tell you that, b/c women are blind to so many character flaws and issues and have this thing about how getting married is so important.

Leading to another point; whats with women (in particular) and their blinders they have when they 'fall in love.' How many times do you hear about this woman that is so hopelessly in love with her man, when its clear as day that he's a sleezebag? If you've dated for only 2 months and for your birthday, he gives you panties (and thats it) as your gift, you actually accept that? Really? Or after a fight that resulted in you two taking a break, he tells you the only reason why he said he wanted to be in a serious relationship with you was b/c otherwise you wouldn't have given him a chance... there is only one real thing you can take from that. That if you're still with him, you're out of your mind. Now I come off a little harsh, but guys do the exact same thing, including myself. *almost goes into detail about it* All I'll say is that 'love' makes you do really stupid things and I guess you deserve getting burned if you let it happen.

You know what? I never posted any shots on here did I, of my friend's daughter's bday??
I posted my favorites/best on my site.
 

Its interesting.. the internet; with the Petreaus Scandal, it shows how open it is and how vulnerable we are if people tried to pry into our lives.
I like to see who is visiting my site, even if i'm not writing very much these days (doing photography, and writing for my other blog, slightly more frequently).
I wonder what people like about my Restless entry that I wrote so long ago. I can't remember what I was restless about, but its one of the most read entries; I just keep seeing people going to that specific entry, over and over.
Maybe they feel 'restless' as well.. maybe its well written (although I doubt it b/c since its personal stuff here, it tends to be all over the place). 

I'll make a change and write some good things that have been happening these days:

- employee of the month for October; that makes it 1 employee of the month award each year for the past 3

- my first Star Player award, which is a quarterly work award which requires a nomination, generally from a person in management; this award actually gets you a small gift card and I normally see Managers with alot of these awards (don't normally see a manager without many)

- got my first cheque for doing photography; the product photography that i've been doing for my coworker's website, we had agreed that he'd pay for my product photography box set, but he was so happy with the photos that he gave me a cheque and intends on giving me another for the next set of photos

- although one of my coworkers couldn't come last night, I had a great sushi dinner with one of my ex-coworkers and his bf (my male model); you know you're good friends when they invite you to something you'd typically be unwilling to go with others and you actually want to go